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How to save marriage

How to save marriage – Here to help you

how to save marriage

Welcome to how to save marriage – Read on for immediate help on how to save your marriage.

How to use this “How to save marriage” site

  • Read the articles on the categories shown below for tips, help and advice on different aspects of how to save marriage.
  • Join the How To Save Marriage forum for support and advice from other people who understand what you’re going through.

 

Is the current state of your marriage making you feel down?  Have you had conflicting thoughts such as:

“should I stay or should I go”, “I love my spouse but I’m not sure I’m in love any more”, “I feel trapped and don’t know what the answer is”?

What difficulties are you going through?  Does any thing on the list below apply to you?

  • Fights, arguments,stalemate
  • Distant spouse
  • Looming separation and divorce – not sure how to save marriage
  • One sided – You’re trying but your spouse is not!
  • Sexless marriage
  • After the affair
  • Abusive or controlling spouse whether emotionally or physically

This is my promise to you: To give you the best help on how to save marriage.  You can go straight into the resources for husbands or wives, or you can read the valuable advice on common topics that married couples struggle with.

Topics covered on this how to save marriage website

Every marriage has it’s own challenges and difficulties.  I’m not here to give you statistics on how many marriages end up in divorce or tell you that the answer to your problems is to go for counseling.  Truth is, you’re probably in a situation where you’ve been trying to figure out what to do but you don’t have an easy answer.

Here are some symptoms of a marriage in crisis.  Can you identify with any of them?

Fights, arguments,stalemate
You were fine in the beginning but now you’re fighting about the same issues over and over again to the point where you’re starting to feel there’s no way to resolve this and a sense of hopelessness is coming?  All you want at the end of the day is to be accepted for who you are and to feel loved but it isn’t happening.

The relationship is dying
You’re physically “married” but emotionally, there’s no marriage.  There’s no romance or intimacy.  Your spouse is becoming more and more distant and you’re experiencing the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” syndrome.  You may be feeling drained and devastated because your dream of having a happy marriage seems to be so far away.

Looming separation and divorce
You might be facing the prospect of divorce and just the thought of the financial consequences is frightening.  You may be wondering if you can even ever find someone else and the thoughts of being alone is worrying.  How about the kids?  How about the house?  So many things swirling around your head.  Your hope is to learn how to save marriage.

One sided – You’re trying but your spouse is not!
You’ve tried to work things out but you know you need some outside help.  However your spouse refuses to get help or marriage counseling and now you’re feeling hopeless and not sure if you’ll ever move on from this.

Sexless marriage
The frustration of the loss or reduced part of this important aspect of marriage is a hard to deal with.  On the one hand you genuinely care and love your spouse so you try to understand and help them, but at the same time you can’t carry on like this indefinitely and don’t know what to do.

After the affair
Can you ever trust them again?  you may be feeling so many mixed emotions:  hurt, anger, betrayed that they could do this to you.  You want to forgive but how can you do it?  You still love them but this changes everything and you almost feel trapped?  Is it possible to even think how to save marriage?

Abusive or controlling spouse whether emotionally or physically
It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, it can happen to either.  You feel low about yourself and feel stuck because you know you’re unhappy about the way your spouse is treating you but sometimes they are ok and it makes life confusing.  You might feel you need to tip toe round and feel like you’re walking on egg shells and are scared your spouse may have “one of those moments”.  Sometimes you can’t stand it anymore and think of just leaving, but sometimes you think they could change and want to give them another chance.  What do you do?

What should I do next and how to save marriage?

Read “Save your marriage now!  It’s not too late” – Its free (Value $27) for husbands or wives and learn step by step how you can get your happy marriage back!

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Save a sexless marriage: Bring back the passion and love making

Being in a sexless marriage is a major reason for marital problems and creates feelings of unhappiness, frustration, rejection, resentment but to name a few.  Here I want to address the issue and help you uncover the root cause rather than give you “techniques” that don’t really last long.

You may have already been given advice from magazines or heard from friends that you must make an effort on your appearance, wear nice underwear, talk in a certain way, create the mood etc.  These things can help to a certain degree to create the right environment for love making but for couples in a sexless marriage, it isn’t going to solve the problem.  In fact most people have probably already tried all the things mentioned above but are still suffering.

sexless marriage

Sexless marriage common scenario

A common scenario is this:  In the early days of the relationship and marriage, sex is plentiful and both partners are happy with the quality and quantity of it.  As time goes on, the lifestyle changes, people change, kids may have appeared and the workload for partners may have increased.  Next thing you know, the sex reduces in quality and quantity and instead of being passionate, it becomes more of a quick get it over and done with type affair.

For some couples, this diminishes to the point where there isn’t even any more sex and it causes a loss of intimacy and frustrations due to needs not being met in the marriage.

A sexless marriage:  So what’s happening here and what to do about it?

Despite what the media and so called gurus say about the topic of a sexless marriage, the reality is that it’s not about how many times a month a couple should be having it and what kind of things they should be doing because for some couples, once a week is plenty but for others it could be 4 times a week.  There is no correct or absolute figure.

The real truth is that if you are finding that the frequency of the sex is decreasing, it’s because the relationship itself is decreasing.

The quality (and therefore quantity) of your sex life is in direct proportion to the quality of your relationship.

This may seem like a bold statement, but if you ask any married couple out there and ask them if they agree with the statement, the vast majority will agree with it.

There are instances where the sex drive of a spouse can diminish due to a medical condition, so it is worth seeking some medical advice to eliminate the cause, but the vast majority of sexless marriages can be attributed to some kind of relationship issue.

Men and women are different

A common reason for a sexless marriage is when both parties are living a busy lifestyle and they don’t have much time together to build intimacy.  Men and women are different.  As a general observation, men tend to get aroused just by seeing his wife naked and are able get “in the mood” in an instant, whereas women get aroused by feeling intimacy and care in a relationship when time and attention has been given to her throughout the day or week.

Many men don’t understand this difference and wonder why their wife is can’t get in the mood for some sex.  Also, we have to understand that men compartmentalize activities, but women have a holistic approach.  This means that for men, sex is sex.  For women, if there are lots of things in her mind such as tasks that need her attention for the next day, she can’t switch it off completely and therefore it’s harder for her to get in the mood.

Regardless of these differences, let’s look at how your relationship affects your sex life directly and revive a sexless marriage.

A sexless marriage: How to mend it

As a general guide, if you both proactively spend time on creating a happy relationship and don’t neglect non sexual intimate time together, then the secondary effect will be increased desire for sex.  Committing to really nurturing the closeness, the understanding, talking, non physical contact like holding hands does wonders for the sex drive.  But even more powerful than this, is doing your best in your role to be a great husband or wife.

Women love men who fulfill his duties as a husband by living up to his promises and doing things that make her feel secure and valued.  So if a husband has said he would sort out that garden shed, then he should go ahead and do it without the wife having to nag him about it.  Simple things like this do actually turn on the happy relationship meter on for women.  If you don’t believe me just ask any wife out there.

Men love women who show a respect and adore them.  Showing appreciation for little things such as how well your husband fixes the kitchen tap etc really hits the spot as men are wired to be “fixers” who can show his worth by being able.  Showing your care and appreciating him will make him hot for you.  Trust me.

A sexless marriage: I’ve tried that but it still doesn’t work

Sure sometimes you can be in a relationship where you are doing all the “right things” and have a great marriage but the sex is still not there.  In this case, there is usually some kind of insecurity or issue that has nothing to do with what you’re doing wrong.

For example, some women may put on weight and therefore don’t feel sexy anymore to the point where they feel embarrassed to show their body to the husband.  Quite often this does not put the husband off her at all, but in her mind, she believes she’s not sexy and isn’t comfortable.

So if you are in a situation like this, the best way is to simply talk about it with each other in a loving way.  If you already have built up a good foundation by having a strong relationship, you will be able to talk about these things even though a spouse may feel a little embarrassed.  Once you know what the issues are, then you can reassure your spouse or work on things together.  That way, your wife or husband will feel much more relaxed and also builds on the relationship too.

Want to learn more about how to turn around a sexless marriage?  Grab your FREE report here:

===>>   “Save your marriage now! It’s not too late”   <<===

Bring back the passion and quality time in your marriage.

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How to save your marriage alone: even if your spouse is not willing

It can be frustrating trying to save your marriage alone.  It’s difficult enough to be in a marriage with problems to deal with, but it gets even tougher when your spouse is not willing or acknowledging the issues or trying to work on the marriage together.

Logically, we think of a marriage as a partnership where both husband and wife work as a team and as they say, it takes two to tango.  However, this isn’t always the case and it isn’t as straight forward as it first seems.  Don’t despair, many spouses face this problem too and it’s actually more common than you may imagine.  So read on and I’ll show you how to save your marriage alone.

save your marriage alone

Save your marriage alone: Let your spouse go!

The first thing to do is to let your spouse go.  Yes as counter intuitive this may seem, this works wonders and can really turn your relationship around.

Letting your spouse go is not so much a physical act than a mental one.  Lets elaborate on this and see how you can put this in action.  Letting go means whatever the problems are you have been facing as a couple and you’ve been trying your hardest to convince your spouse to work on it or deal with it, it’s time to let it go.

For example if your marriage has been suffering due to disagreements on how money should be spent and what activities your children should be doing, then the usual thing that couples do is to each talk about their point of view and convince the other party on why they should listen or do things their way.  As time goes on, this gets too much for the husband or wife and eventually one may become resentful and shut down in the relationship.

The spouse on the receiving end of a “cold” spouse knows this feeling and atmosphere.  You both exist in a marriage shell but the real intimacy and connection is not there anymore.  It’s not nice to be in such a position and what tends to happen from here is that the “cold” spouse tends to get more distant.

This leads to the other spouse feeling a sense of potential loss, isolation and sadness and they tend to try their best to rebalance the equilibrium by doing things or convincing the other person.

The cold spouse feels more pressure and closes off even more to the point they want out and it becomes past the point where they feel like working on the issues together.

For many marriages, this is a major cause of divorce but knowing that you can save your marriage alone with the right advice will help.

In this instance, if you are on the receiving end of a spouse who is not willing to listen or take part in working on the marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to.  It sometimes means they are stuck mentally and don’t know how to best deal with the situation.  They are trying to deal with it in their own way by internalizing and figuring things out.

Getting back to the main point, you need to let go.  In this example, don’t push them anymore.  i.e don’t try to convince them, don’t try to overcompensate in treating them.  Still love them in a genuine way but just let them go.  Let them know that you’re not going chase after them anymore and two things will happen……….

Save your marriage alone: What will happen

Firstly you will suddenly feel a liberation and a burden off your shoulders that the responsibility you have for carrying the issues will be lifted, giving you much more energy and positive attitude to live a happier life.

Secondly, your independence in action will suddenly hit the cold spouse and they will start to realise what they could be missing out on.  Also, they will start to realise that they do need to take their own responsibility in making things work.  Eventually, they will “come back” and you can both take the marriage forward again and no longer have to save your marriage alone.

Want to learn more on how you can save your marriage alone?  Read the FREE report here yourself:

===>>   “Save your marriage now! It’s not too late”   <<===

Read the report and put it into action and see the improvement in your marriage now!

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Separation in marriage: best thing to do or will it end in divorce?

Couples often consider a separation in marriage for a period of time, but they also wonder if it is the best thing to do.  What are the consequences of a separation?  It can go either way.  Sometimes the separation in marriage allows time for each party to reflect on the relationship but for some, it becomes the writing on the wall and ends in divorce.  So lets find out what the best approach is and how do think about a separation in marriage for the best result for your marriage.

separation in marriage

Separation in marriage: When to do it

Many people struggle with the thought of separation because it can carry a connotation of a break up and is physically open for others to notice too that you are experiences marital problems.  Hence there is some apprehension and maybe self implied stigma to it.

Obviously when you are considering a separation in marriage it means that you’ve probably already tried to discuss and work on the issues that are causing problems but that isn’t enough and therefore you have to take a bigger form of action in the form of a separation.

Some common reasons that can trigger the need for separation can include affairs, abuse of spouse, neglect, addictions, constant arguments.

Although separation is not the same as divorce, for some people this can be seen as the last stage before divorce, so to know if you should take this step think about the following questions:

1)      What is the outcome you want from the separation?

2)      What is the time limit you can both agree on before a crucial decision is made about the marriage?

3)      Are you both committed to the same reason for this separation?

Separation in marriage: How to do it

The most important thing you need to agree on before the separation in marriage is the INTENTION behind the separation.

If you both agree that the intention is to allow time and space for each other to think and reflect about the marriage, about how to move forwards in the future, then it can be a useful thing and can help you both move towards a resolution.

However, if the intention is to allow “freedom” and means that the spouse is free to meet other people, do whatever they wish, then the outcome of the separation is very likely to end in divorce because this isn’t a way to build and improve the marriage at all.

If one spouse or both cannot decide on what the intention behind the separation is, then you need to mutually on the terms.  This means things regarding seeing other people, how often you will see each other or the children, how often to keep in touch etc.

The other major thing to consider in a separation in marriage is the TIME LIMIT.

You both need to agree on a time limit before hand on the separation period.  The reason is that it’s the only fair way for both parties.

Without a time limit, one person could be hanging around without knowing what to do and are left in limbo waiting for the other person to make a decision.  It’s not fair for the spouse or children if they are involved.

Once you’ve decided on the time limit, the next thing is to make a decision once the end of the separation time has been reached.  Either you get back together or you decide to go your separate ways in a divorce.

You should not continue to stay in the limbo land of separation because all it does is drag out the pain and puts your life on hold.  In a marriage, you need to remember you vows – that you go through times together for better or worse.  You had some time to reflect, now you work on the issues you have together.  If you don’t decide that, then it’s better to finish it than to live in an uncommitted state.  Being luke warm about the commitment to the marriage is only going cause more hurt, frustration and problems for the future.

Separation in marriage: How to decide?

If you need help in deciding how to face a separation in marriage or looming divorce, make sure you read my FREE report right here:

===>>   “Save your marriage now! It’s not too late”   <<===

Learn how to change your marriage around and end the fear of having to face a divorce.

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How to save a marriage when the relationship is dying

There are many married couples out there who live a life together technically married but don’t have a “relationship”.  That is a sad situation to be in.  If you’re in a similar situation or feel as though things are heading that way, then read on and learn how you can change the relationship around and know what to do if the relationship is dying.

With most marriages and relationships, the relationship is good in the early stages.  You have time for each other, feel enthusiastic and have a connection with one another.  Somewhere along the line events happen and issues emerge.  These could be financial issues, children, in laws, differences in life directions and ideas for the future path or other things.  When difficult issues start to invade and overtake the relationship itself, couples may find it hard to enjoy one another’s company and the issues become a major obstacle that sucks the life out of the intimacy.

relationship is dying

Relationship is dying: a common symptom

Some people even feel that the status of the relationship changes and say that they “love” their spouse but are not “in love” with them anymore.  If you find yourself in this situation, don’t despair.  The relationship is NOT over, it just means there is an obstacle that needs to be removed before the love can flow again, in the same way that a blocked pipe needs to be unblocked for the water to flow through it again.

The elephant in the room

The first thing a married couple needs to do is to figure out exactly what the elephant in the room is and get it out in the open in a constructive way.  The hard thing is that often couples want to avoid talking about the elephant because brings up negative emotions and arguments or disagreements.  But a mature relationship means knowing that having to deal with it is the only way the relationship can progress and grow.

Think of it like this:  Going to the gym and running for 30 minutes is hard work and can be painful and you might not enjoy the process.  But once you’ve done it, you will be glad you did and you will benefit from the increased health and feel more energised.  Like most things in life, you have to go through some tough things in order to enjoy the fruits.

So back to the elephant in the room:  Whatever your issues are that are causing the relationship breakdown, it needs to be talked about and resolved or at least be in a situation where you both have a plan you both agree on to progress from where you are.

Choose a suitable time where you are both relaxed and talk about the issue without raising voices and start from a position of wanting to understand each other as much as possible, rather than putting your demands on the table and having a take it or leave it approach.

Really listen to your spouse and give each other time to listen to each other’s concerns and thoughts about the issues.  Only after that, then work together to find a solution that will help you move forward.  Usually with these issues, there is no easy answer, because if it was easy, it wouldn’t have caused any problems for your marriage in the first place.

Agree with each other on a solution or next steps to move forward, not matter how small.  It doesn’t matter that you don’t have the actual answer but you need to agree on a plan together to at least progress.  If you don’t move forward, you will only ever be stuck in the same hard place and eventually it will become too hard to move on.

A good tip to break the tensions and get into the flow of being amicable with each other is to firstly apologise to each other about how you have contributed to the issue at hand.  When a person apologises, the other party will let their guard down too and it allows for both of you to put your ego and pride aside, so that you can both work on the issue without having to let pride stop progress.

Some people feel that they are losing “power” by apologizing.  I can tell you now having dealt with many marital problems in the past that the simple act of apologizing increases the chance of successfully rebuilding a relationship by 50%.  Now that’s something you can’t ignore if your relationship is dying.

Romance

Once you have talked about the issues and come to an agreement and ways to move forward, the next step is to rekindle the intimacy that provides the environment for a passionate relationship.  After all, a marriage is a special kind of relationship where you both share a friendship and exclusive bonding of intimacy.

Making time for dates is a great way to build romance and enjoy each other but even doing small things like writing a little note, or doing housework for people works a treat.  Either way, the key is to allow some time to concentrate on the other person without distractions.  Put your mobile phone on silent.  Turn off the TV, stop checking Facebook.  Just be in the moment and enjoy each other’s company like you did on the first dates you used to have and soon the fire will reignite and the “love” that you thought you lost will come back.

Don’t despair if your relationship is dying

Want to learn a step by step guide on how you can rebuild a dying relationship and turn it back into a loving, passionate marriage?  Grab my FREE guide here:

===>>   “Save your marriage now! It’s not too late”   <<===

Learn how you can easily get your marriage into one that is full of real genuine passion and love and no longer live a in relationship that is dying.

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How to stop arguing with your spouse: have a harmonious marriage

How to stop arguing with your spouse and have a harmonious marriage

Do you find yourself in arguments a lot with your spouse?  Do the same topics coming up time and again?  Read on to learn how to stop arguing with your spouse and have a harmonious relationship.

how to stop arguing with your spouse

Arguments occur when there is a disagreement or different point of view about something.  This manifests as each person having a want of a certain outcome but the partner is not agreeing to it.  For example Jim and Karen end up having an argument about where to go on Christmas day because Jim wants to stay at home as for him, it is a time to relax and have a break from his busy work schedule and Karen wants to go to her parents place because she enjoys the time with her family.  They end up having this argument every year and never seem to be able to find a solution without the tension or having the atmosphere spoilt because of this fight.

In fact, I get many emails from husbands and wives asking me for help on how to stop arguing with your spouse especially near the holidays and new year when they are off.

How to stop arguing with your spouse:  The underlying factor

With the above example, some couples never have the argument because there never has been an issue about what to do on Christmas day.  There are others who have previously had the argument and have different opinions on what to do for Christmas but it is not an issue any more.  For Jim and Karen, it’s always an issue and becomes a heated fight and spoils the whole holiday.  So what’s happening here?  What is the difference that creates a fight and argument?

The catalyst for an argument rather than a more productive discussion is due to Frustration.

When frustration builds up inside a person, it is like a hot fire that gets hotter and bigger until it explodes!  This causes the use of nasty words and angry shouting instead of a calm and reasonable discussion on matters.

The thing about frustration is that it isn’t necessarily the actual topic being discussed that makes the person angry or want to shout.  The frustration could come from another source.  Often it’s the perceived meaning or perceived associated pain or loss behind the issue that causes the frustration.

How to stop arguing with your spouse an example…….

For example Jim may be stressed from the pressure he has had from work over the past week and needs some space to relax, or he might have had some bad experiences with the in laws in the past that make him uncomfortable to go to Karen’s parent’s.

From Karen’s point of view she may be frustrated if Jim is not agreeing to go to her parent’s place because Christmas is an important time for her and the only time of the year she can spend time with her family and see her siblings too.   For her, it means she can share love and joy but Jim doesn’t understand why it’s so important because Karen speaks to her family on the telephone regularly anyway.

So the truth is when each party starts to argue and fight, the reason is their frustrations are coming to the surface and they are not able to work out or communicate with each other in a way that makes each other comfortable.

How to stop arguing with your spouse: The truth behind it

Arguments in a married couple are simply raw frustrations clashing from each party.  The trick is to know how to avoid getting into these arguments by understanding two things:

1)      How to stop the anger and frustration coming out of yourself when talking to your spouse.

2)      How to diffuse the signs of an argument if your spouse appears to be getting into a mood and starts to shout or become frustrated.

knowing how to stop arguing with your spouse is a skill you can learn.  Learn this skill right here in my FREE report:

===>>   “Save your marriage now! It’s not too late”   <<===   to learn how to change the arguments into a harmonious win-win situation for both of you!

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Save your marriage now!

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